The moment I took the first pregnancy test, and there was one line, ONE FREAKING LINE, I lost it. I thought it was the perfect cycle--4 follicles, 190 million sperm, HELLO! the odds had to be with us. But they weren't. I tried consoling myself by saying "at least I get to drink at the beer tasting" or "I'm only 13 dpiui, it could've been way too early." All ways that women ttc trick themselves into having more hope and getting let down, again.
This journey has made me such a stronger person, and has made me really see my husband. He is a gracious, kind, and caring man who know what to say and when; and when to shut up. He talked me down when I freaked out and started crying my eyes out. I had no idea how much I wanted to be a mom.
I started cursing God, the doctors, and myself for the first IUI not working. How could you put someone through 2 weeks of the worst emotional roller coaster of their life.
Glad to say, I'm better now. I have a positive outlook for the second cycle. The first was a test, to see how bad I wanted it. It was a test for myself.
Kd
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